fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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