We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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