life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
