I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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