Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
