If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
