I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
