It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
