I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Randomize
