it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize