His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
