Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize