sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
