facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize