i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
