somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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