i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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