Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize