Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
