i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Watching her eat just hurts me
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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