just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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