Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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