I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
