New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
