never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
He passed out mid-signature
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
