So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
