yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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