he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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