then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
