Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
