i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
