Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Couch. On fire.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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