my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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