His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
