On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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