I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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