He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize
