Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Randomize
