that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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