I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
