He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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