Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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