shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I wish there were birth control emojis
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
