Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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