After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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