Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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