He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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