he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
