Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
