Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
