smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Randomize
