real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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