I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
