It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
