i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
