I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
