Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
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