So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize