Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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