I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
