Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
