Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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