Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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