with your own penis?
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
