Can i not drive my cunt home
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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