I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
