So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
