I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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