I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize