i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
