wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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