But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
