Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
