it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
