you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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